30 day photo meme.
I don't even like taking/looking at photos of myself, but procrastination has prevailed and I've decided I may as well do this :')

1. your facebook profile picture
2. a photo of yourself a year ago
3. a photo that makes you happy
4. a photo of the last place you went on holiday
5. a photo of you
6. a photo that makes you laugh
8. a photo of your favorite band/musician
9. a photo of your family
10. a photo of you as a baby
11. a photo of your favorite film(s)
12. a photo of you
13. a photo of your best friend(s)
14. a photo of one of your favorite family members
15. a photo of you and someone you love
16. a photo of you at the last party you went to
17. a drunk photo of you
18. a photo of one of your classes
19. a photo of you on a school trip
20. a photo of something you enjoy doing
21. a photo of you standing up
22. a photo of your town
23. a photo of your friend as a baby
24. a photo of you that your hair looks nice in
25. a photo of a night you loved
26. a photo of your favorite weekend
27. a photo of last summer
28. a photo of what you ate today
29. a photo of someone you find attractive
30. a photo of you when you were happy

Writer's Block: It must be love
Do you remember your first crush? Did you ever tell that person about your feelings?

A boy at my drama class. I was 10, he was 16. I was finishing primary school while he was finishing his GCSEs.
It was possibly not meant to be.

(And there was the fact that I was even quieter than normal when around him and just generally made a complete twat of myself. Ah, how things have - not - changed...)

tagged by fancydressmasks (:

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their journal and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.
B) Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

1. Make a list of 5 things you can see without getting up:

* This little egg light thingy I got from Egypt...very pretty (:
* The pink toy duck my friend Kelly got me for my birthday. My 16th birthday. We're too cool, really.
* An ancient Avril Lavigne CD.
* My pink and purple fluffy dreamcatcher.
* The tiny plant in the pink watering can that lives in my room and hasn't been watered for about a year. Please remind me never to have children.

2. How do you style your hair?
I just brush it, and very occasionally straighten it. I'm too lazy to do anything else, haha.

3. What are you wearing now?
A black top with sequins spelling 'Rock' on (about half of which have fallen off...), jeggings and black pumps.

4. What's your occupation?
Still at school, unfortunately.

5. What do you hear right now?
Nothing actually. It's eerily silent in here, might have to put some music on to lighten the mood.

6. Who was the last person you hugged?

Someone yesterday, but I'm not sure who...maybe Sophie as she was the last person I said goodbye to (:

7. What was/is for dinner?
Quorn fillets and chips :D

8. Chocolate, strawberry, or vanilla ice cream (or other)?
Chocolate, but I actually love all of them!

9. “Some say the world will end in fire/Some say in ice…” – Robert Frost, Fire and Ice. Think of the silliest, most ridiculous apocalypse ever.
Erm...can I get back to you on that one? :')

10. What websites do you always visit when you go online? 

LiveJournal, Facebook and Tumblr. The others vary really.

11. What was the last thing you bought?
PIZZAAA! Well, when I say 'bought' I actually mean 'paid a very small amount of money towards', but hey ho...

12. Do you think your name suits you?
I guess so, but I'd like to be called something more interesting!

13. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I'll be 20, nearly 21, so I guess...at University? God knows where or what I'll be studying, but hopefully something English-related, and I'll probably be broke, but hopefully happy.

14. Where's your birthmark?
On my thigh. I didn't realise I had one at all until I was about 11, and for some bizzarre reason as a little kid I used to think that meant I hadn't been born and didn't really exist...

Yeah, I was a weird child.

15. How easily do you cry, and about what (apart from obviously traumatic things like losing someone you’re close to)?
Every so often. Sometimes I cry at anything and everything, and other times nothing seems to make me cry. I don't know, I confuse myself.

16. If you could play any musical instrument, which one would you play?
Probably guitar, as I already play piano and I've always thought girls who play guitar look kind of cool, haha. *is superficial*

17. How are you?

Not bad, but should really be sleeping as I have to get up early-ish (by my standards, like 8.30-9) tomorrow and have a busy day...

18. How much do you get paid?

Nada, I have to scrounge money off my parents.

19. What's the last thing you have regretted?
Missing out on opportunities by being so fucking guarded and pushing people away all the time. This is kind of a constant regret for me, but there have been particular events that have highlighted it even more lately.

20. What's the last good movie you saw?

Black Swan. Fucking amazing. Also Tangled! Very diferent haha, but I saw them within a couple of days of each other and I love them both.

I'm tagging:

All we are//AU Katie/Effy fic
I know this seems unfinished and that's because it is - it was originally intended as a one-shot (and makes much more sense as one) but I sort of lost motivation halfway through, and as I'm pretty uncharacteristically busy right now (yeah, it's the holidays, but I have quite a lot planned and have a ton of revision to do for exams in January) even if my motivation returns I probably won't have time to get it finished any time soon. So I thought I may as well post the first half for constructive criticism/general feedback in the meantime. It's not brilliant, but hopefully it's alright...

Katie's only just thirteen the first time she sees Effy StonemCollapse )

new blog...ish...type...thing? (:

I've only just made it and just got a couple of posts; not entirely sure what I'm going to use it for yet (other than basic ramblings), am just doing some 30 day thing at the moment! But would be lovely if anyone could pay me a vist in the world of Blogspot, as I don't tend to blog on here and probably will be pretty frequently on there provided I'm not too busy (: followers would be nice but aren't essential I guess (':

TV Survey Thing :)

Rules: Pick your 5 favorite TV shows, in no particular order and answer the following questions.

1. Friends
2. Skins
3. Ugly Betty
4. The IT Crowd
5. Pretty Little Liars

Who’s your favorite character in 2?
I really don't know...probably Chris overall :)

Who’s your least favorite character in 1?
Oh, I can't decide that! I love them all...

What’s your favorite episode of 4?
Too many...the last episode I saw, with the 'street countdown' was pretty epic :')

What’s your favorite season of 5?
There's only one season...

What’s your favorite ship in 3?

Who is your anti-ship in 2?
Sid/Michelle. If they even count as a couple...

How long have you watched 1?

How did you become interested in 3?
One of my close friends was obsessed with it, so I thought I may as well give it a shot :)

Who’s your favorite actor in 4?

Which show do you prefer? 1, 2, or 5?
I love Skins and PLL, but Friends just has to win <3

Which show have you seen more episodes of; 1 or 3?
1, because it's Friends and has a ridiculous number of episodes and is also ridiculously addictive :)

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

How would you kill off your favorite character in 1?
I wouldn't. t'would be a crime against humanity...

Would a 3/4 crossover work?

Pair two characters in 1 that would make an unlikely, but strangely okay couple.

Has 5 inspired you in any way?
Not really...

Overall, which show has a better cast? 3 or 5?
3, just because PLL has mostly people in their late 20s playing teenagers and then people in their early 30s playing their parents and it's just like...yeah. I'm not even exaggerating much, either.

Which has better theme music, 2 or 4?

I use caps too much. Mostly when talking about the It Crowd. Hm.

Katie/Effy; "You'll Look Beautiful as you Burn" - Part 1

Note: In order to read this fanfic, you should probably know that series 4 did not happen.
Now you may read the fanfic :)

Effy is woken up by the thoughts running through her head, a million at once, making her sit up in bed. She clutches her head, wills them to go away. They don't.
She's weak now. Tries to be strong again, but she can't.

She thinks of Katie.
Fucking Katie.

She misses her, which is weird, considering when she was around she was constantly trying to get rid of her. She feels a pang of guilt remembering; she treated Katie worse than she treated Freddie or Cook, or Panda or anyone. She treated her worst of all, when all Katie did was admire her.

No. That's not fair. Katie's a bitch. She's arrogant and obnoxious and flirty and all too sure of herself.
She's everything Effy pretends to be.
Well, she was, Effy reminds herself, grabbing a bottle of vodka from the side of her bed and taking a long swig from the bottle, Not anymore. She's broken. I broke her.
Another pang of guilt. She can't stand this, can't do it anymore. All fucking summer; ever since she got back from her and Cook's "outlaw tour of Britain" (such a fucking success that was; she broke both their hearts in the end. She wishes she cared more, wishes she could care about anything other than Katie), every day has been spent lying at home, thinking about Katie, letting the guilt build up, eat her up. She goes out some nights, gets fucked up, but it's not the same. She's weak; so fucking weak, and she hates it.

She's run into Katie once, just once.
It was at some club, somewhere or other. Effy was there alone (she always was - even Naomi wouldn't come out with her anymore, for fear of upsetting her dear beloved), dancing by herself - fucked up, though not as much as she'd have liked to be - pretending to be oblivious to the leering eyes following her on the dancefloor. In the past she'd have made an effort to tease them, please them - probably ended up fucking at least one of them. Now she didn't bother, though she wasn't entirely sure why. It felt like she had been dancing forever when she spotted Katie by the bar, glancing around nervously, with Naomi and Emily on one side of her and Cook and JJ on the other. Katie looked different; she'd dyed her hair, so it was darker, more subtle but just as gorgeous, though she was dressed pretty averagely, for her, in a red leopard-print mini dress and killer heels. Still, there was something  else different about her - she looked younger, more vulnerable than Effy had ever seen her, and it broke her heart. 
She was just trying to decide whether to make her way over, to try and talk to Katie, to apologise, when Katie clocked her. Her face went white, and she muttered something to Emily before running off to the bathroom. None of the others seemed to notice her, except maybe Cook. She saw him glancing in her direction, but when she tried to meet his gaze he looked away, sending another wave of guilt surging through her.
She'd seen Freddie on the way back, messing around on his fucking skateboard, despite the fact that it was the early hours of the morning and that he was actually pretty shit at it.
He spotted her immediately. Looked away, like Cook - though not before she saw the hurt, the confusion and loss in his eyes.
She felt bad, but it wasn't like she hadn't warned him. She'd said from the beginning that she'd break his heart.

Effy Stonem. Enigmatic, elusive, desirable. Hopeless. Her only talents are for fucking things up.

She really does destroy everything she touches.
Effy sighs, steps out of bed and gets dressed. She barely notices what it is she gets dressed into. It doesn't matter.

Nothing matters. Especially not now.



(no subject)


Note: Okay, I'm new to this and not entirely sure how this works. And I haven't worked out how to post a download link yet...so this is pretty much pointless, just trying things out. Sorry if this is an epic fail. Just have  lot of Keffy in my heart that I need to let out <3

And this is kind of for a fanfic that is pretty much unwritten at the moment...so sorry if it makes no sense, haha. I may post some Keffy fanfic at some point...don't think my Naomily one is ever going to get finished as I kind of forgot about it for a long, long time...

You Overdid it Doll - The Courteeners (Effy)
Your teeth are starting to go,
five nights a week is starting to show.
Dark rings around your eyes,
are fashionable until somebody dies.
This pace a little too fast,
you're a space cadet dressed in fibreglass.
You're gonna shatter, it's not too late to undo,
put the fiddle down, the taming of the shrew.
You over did it doll,
you over did it doll,
you over did it doll,
you over did it doll

You're Lost Little Girl - The Doors (Katie)
You're lost little girl
You're lost little girl
You're lost
Tell me who
Are you?

Break Your Heart - Get Set Go; Effy/Katie (would also be good for Effy/Freddie...)
I’m gonna break your heart
I’m gonna let you down
I’m gonna walk away
I’m gonna fool around
I’m gonna tell you lies
I’m gonna be untrue
I’m gonna make you cry
I’m gonna come unglued
so what you
what you
what you
what you
what you
what you gonna do?

Better - Regina Spektor; Katie/Effy
You're getting sadder, getting sadder, getting sadder, getting sadder
And I don't understand, and I don't understand
But if I kiss you where it's sore
If I kiss you where it's sore
Will you feel better, better, better
Will you feel anything at all

We're In This Together - Nine Inch Nails
I've become impossible
holding on to when
when everything seemed to matter more
the two of us
all used and beaten up
watching fate as it flows down the path we
have chose

Fanfic + download link to make this slightly less pointless will be coming soon, I promise... :)

Life without Katie; Naomi/Emily, Katie (first attempt)

My first attempt at fanfic. I know it's not great, but comments (inc. constructive criticsm) would be appreciated :) This could be the beginning of something; will probably continue it at some point but would like some feedback before I do!...thanks in advance :)

"Jesus, Ems, what the fuck?" Naomi approaches her in her usual blunt manner, but there's an unusual gentleness to her tone that's becoming increasingly frequent these days. They're beginning to feel like a real couple, as opposed to a dirty little secret. and in becoming much closer they've sort of...blended together, a bit. They're still very different characters - Naomi's still a strictly no-nonsense, people-hating political loudmouth and Emily's still sweet and clingy and a bit of a pushover but Naomi's become a lot less brash - at least towards Emily; Katie, and anyone else who dares to stand in the way of her or, even worse, Emily, is a different matter - and rude, while Emily's finally learning to stand up for herself a bit more. And, of course, they have their issues, like everyone does, but for the most part it's actually rather fucking fantastic and Emily wouldn't want that to change, wants to hold onto it forever and never let it go.
 But now....Emily can't think straight, her head spinning. She clutches Naomi's for support, steadying herself, willing herself not to pass out, not now.....
"Emily?" She can hear the concern in her girlfriend's voice, and any other time it'd make her happy, unbelievably, overwhelmingly happy. But not now.
What the fuck is she doing here anyway? she wonders, suddenly feeling unbelievably stupid. Naomi and Katie were - are; she needs to stop thinking of Katie in the past tense like this, because she's going to be fine, because she's Katie fucking Fitch, the strong twin and there's nothing she can't do - not exactly the best of friends. Emily feels an overwhelming rush of guilt as she remembers how she felt torn between them; how she chose Naomi, became more and more detached from her sister, barely even noticing that the Katie Fitch the world knew was slowly disappearing. She'd never guessed how much the rock had affected Katie, which was fucking stupid, really, because she'd nearly died, hadn't she? And now she still might. Killed by Effy fucking Stonem. Effy should be the one feeling guilty; the one being left to pick up the pieces, but where was she? Fuck knows. Probably off fucking Freddie, or Cook, or pretty much anyone for that matter, because Effy makes even Katie look practically fucking virginal.
 "Emily?!" Naomi grabs her hand, drags her inside the house and looks at her with big, blue, pleading eyes, "Please, Ems. What is it? Just tell me."
Emily can see the utter love and fear in Naomi's eyes, and despite everything she can't help but feel a slight rush of pleasure. She pushes this feeling to the back of her mind, forces herself to press on, though all she really wants is to collapse into her girlfriend's arms and forget all about the world outside, all about her sister - her feisty, glamorous, brilliantly bitchy sister, strong and tough and utterly undefeatable - lying in a hospital bed, unable even to breathe without a machine doing it for her.
 She feels a massive lump begin to rise in her throat, and swallows it down furiously. Katie's not there to be the strong one, so she's going to have to be strong for once, isn't she? She's been getting better at it lately. Not as good as Katie, but she wouldn't expect that, not when she's spent her whole life living in Katie's shadow. She's been trying to break free of it for so long, and then, when she finally gets close, Katie has to go and do something really fucking stupid, something Emily could've stopped if she'd tried, if she'd cared enough, but she didn't; she was much too caught up in her own little bubble of her and Naomi to realise that Katie was hurting, breaking, fading...
 "It's Katie," she spoke finally, her voice coming out a hoarse whisper, "She's...there's been an...an...accident." She looks up at Naomi, with big, pleading eyes. "Come with me...please?"
Naomi can't really protest - not with Emily in the state she's in - but she does question her all the way to the hospital; what kind of accident, how bad is it, what happened. Emily answers in monosyllables but Naomi persists, eventually causing Emily to break down and admit the truth; the truth that she had come home from Naomi's, bright-eyed and full of the joys of spring, just a couple of hours earlier, to find Katie in the bathroom, wearing nothing but an old nightgown, her limp,  seemingly lifeless body - only then did Emily realise just how thin Katie had got; she was practically skeletal, her bones jutting out at awkward angles - propped up against the bath. An empty packet of fuck knows what kind of pills lay on the floor beside her. After the initial shock, Emily had gone into auto-pilot; calling the ambulance, telling her parents, and going to the hospital, where she stood outside, declining the offer to go inside, not wanting to see Katie again; not in that state. She had slipped off to get Naomi - convinced herself that her presence would somehow make it all alright - and it was only when she was standing outside her house in the pouring rain, fat tears rolling down her cheeks, that what had happened really set in, and that the guilt and pain and worry really started to set in.
 Naomi holds her, caresses her in her arms; she's so gentle, more soft and safe than the old Emily, in the old days of wistful staring, ever imagined she could be; and for a second it's almost alright; but soon enough the moment's over and reality sets in again, clouding her mind with hopeless, desperate, empty worrying thoughts that she can't seem to escape.

The woman at the hospital takes a long time to find Katie's name, and for a horrible moment Emily starts to fear the worst; that maybe Katie's...she can't quite bring herself to say it, or even to think it, but it's there, that horrible, lingering doubt that won't leave her alone. Eventually, though, the woman finds the name and sends them off in some direction that Emily doesn't hear because she's too busy fretting, but luckily Naomi is a little more organised and heads them off in what Emily can only assume (or hope, at the very least) is the right direction. They come to a small, individual room; Katie's skeleton of a body lying totally still on the bed, looking possibly even further from alive than when Emily first found her, slumped on the bathroom floor. And she's all fucking wired up; Emily doesn't know the technical term, all she knows is that the shell of her sister and a load of breathing apparatus is all that remains of her sister at that moment, and the idea that the real Katie, the Katie she knows and sometimes hates but mostly loves, because she's her fucking twin, and it's not like she's got any choice, might never return...it just makes her so unbelievably sad, the very concept of life without Katie, that she can't bring herself to even consider it. Their parents stand at the side, looks of utter disbelief spread across their face. Like Emily, it seems they too were completely oblivious to Katie's pain, too caught up in mantaining the reputation of the oh-so perfect Fitch family to notice that one member of it was slowly wasting away. James isn't there; it's apparently "too upsetting", and so he's been sent off to Gordon Macpherson's for the day, with barely even an explanation given as to where Kate had gone (she'd had "a little accident" - Emily thought her parents were fucking ridiculous, treating him like he was 5 when he was actually 12, and had a right to know what was going on). 
 Rob and Jenna look up briefly when Emily walks in, giving her only a very vague nod of acknowledgement, but Jenna does a double take when she sees Naomi close behind, her eyes practically popping out of her head. In other circumstances Emily might have laughed. As it is, she just wants to cry.
 "Look, just fucking leave it, okay?" she says, when her mum opens her mouth to complain, "I need her here right now. I just fucking need her." She hears her voice crack, and prays she won't start crying. A brief look of anger flashes across Jenna's face, but is soon replaced by one of sad weariness; the expression of someone very old and tired, who has been fighting so long that they've almost forgotten what it is that they're fighting for.

 "Fine," she sighs, "Your - your friend can stay. For now."



So, hi...
I'm new to this - not really sure how it works...
So this is a tad awkward :)
I will probably attempt to write fanfics at some point - probably skins - but I haven't actually started yet...well, I did, but it failed, in an epic manner, so, yes.

I have yoochoob: www.youtube.com/cheeseoholicchloe or www.youtube.com/gurlwithattitude101
Yes, the usernames are atrocious, I apologise on behalf of my younger self
And I have been attempting to make skins videos, though they have, again, failed.

Basically I am an epic failure.

Even this post has failed.



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